Just Like Anything Else, If You're Gonna Lie, Do It Big. (Or, The IHOP Chronicles.)

It was last Friday night. Chris Cord and I were sitting at the IHOP down the street from the stations. We were chatting up our delightfully attractive and personable server, who asked if we worked in radio. We confessed our transgressions; I told her I worked at the Fort, and Chris admitted to working for the new station in Auburn. About this time, an asshat at the next table says to her, "Is this the corner where you stick the radio personalities?" Chris and I looked at one another, then at him, as our waitress said, "Oh....Do you work in radio, too?" He replied, "Yes, I work at the Bear."

Now, you gotta know that I spent six and a half of the last eight years in the Federated Media North building, an average of six days a week--including five years full-time as the copywriter for the stations as well as weekends on the Bear, and nights and part-time at the Fort, along with another ten months across town at our sister stations...and Chris Cord (aka Irizarry) did nights, and afternoons on the Bear.....AND WE HAD NEVER LAID EYES ON THIS DICKMUNCH BEFORE IN OUR LIVES. To us, he was an OBVIOUS imposter. The thing is, do we call him out on it?

We decided to take the generous tack, and not mention to this butt biscuit that we knew he was a fake....until HE started chatting up our waitress with his line of bullshit. I called our young lovely over, and whispered in her ear..."That guy is a fake. He doesn't work at the Bear." Now SHE'S laughing at him, too.

After several stage-whispered putdowns, Chris decided to call him out as he was getting ready to leave. "Hey, which one are you?"

Now, this story would be complete if the guy would have had the balls to lie big. It would be thousands of times funnier if he had told us he was one of us. But he did no such thing. He squirmed a little and made a comment about 'which one? We have 102, and the Bear, and South Bend, and Chicago.' Left without giving a name...cause he knew he was shamed.

The moral of the story is: If you're gonna lie, lie big. If he had come up with a plausible story, we might--MIGHT is the key word here--have let him off the hook. But if you see a spikey short haired dude with glasses reading a textbook late at night, point and laugh at him for us, OK? Cause HE'S A FAKE--WITH NO STORY. Just an asshat trying to pick up an IHOP waitress.

The other moral of the story is: Real OR fake, radio guys DON'T get to score with the IHOP waitress. We all went home alone. **sighs**

Maybe if I told her I worked for Hot 107.9.....