It's Good For You. (Or, A Guinness Primer.)

I find myself more and more being the old guy at the end of the bar telling stories (not that that's a bad thing....every bar has to have one, and I'd rather do that than drink Jager Bombs and try to puke in the ice machine at O's--right, Stiller?) But it troubles me to see more youthful revelers that don't appreciate the finer things in life, or the traditions that more experienced bar patrons hold dear. With this thought in mind, I present a primer on how to order and drink one of the world's most famous beverages....Guinness Irish Stout. Not for the faint of heart, Guinness on tap used to be available locally only at O'Sullivans. Like so many things, other bars have picked up on the trend, and you can now order Guinness at many alehouses in the area. Grab two pints (see rule number six) and enjoy!


1 Choose your pub carefully. A pint of Guinness does not appreciate loud music, loud people or bright flashing lights. (O's being the exception that proves the rule.)

2 Ask politely for a pint of Guinness. Depending on the pub, it is possible to catch the barmans eye and mouth the word "pint", he will translate this accurately.

3 The barman will fill the glass between 70% and 80% capacity. It will then be put to the side for a few moments to allow it "to settle". Once the brownish liquid has almost turned to a solid black the barman will then fill the rest of the glass. BTW: do not under any circumstances take the glass before it is filled. Some virgins seem to think that the settling stage is the final stage and walk away with an unfinished pint. At this point we DO understand the predicament, but I assure you it causes endless mirth as well. (ed. note--If you're at O's, wait till Floyd makes the shamrock in the top of the pint. Then you'll know it's been topped off properly.)

4 Once you have received your pint, find a comfortable stool or seat, gaze with awe into the deep blackness, raise the pint to your mouth and take a large mouthful. Be firm.

5 A good pint can distinguished by a number of methods. A smooth, slightly off- white head is one, another is the residue left on the inside of the glass. These, surprise surprise, are known as rings. As long as they are there you know your're okay. A science of rings is developing - the instance that comes to mind is determining a persons nationality by the number of rings (a ring is dependent on a swig of Guinness each swig leaving it's own ring). An Irishman will have in the region of 5-6 rings (they pace themselves), an Englishman will have 8-10 rings, an American will have 17-20 (they sip) and an Australian won't have any at all as they tend to knock it back in one go!

6 As you near the end of your pint, it is the custom to order another one. It is a well known fact that a bird does not fly on one wing.

Slainte!!