Picture Your Baby. (Or, How Wide Is That Aperature?)

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; the man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..." Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh ...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.........

You Gotta Eat. (Or, Thank Heaven We Don't Have 7-11.)

OCEAN CITY , MD-- Last Monday around 3 a.m., Michael Autry, 27, of Bel Air, Md., walked into the 7-11 store on 94th Street. Autry, who was intoxicated, police said, took a bag of chips and three bottles of Gatorade and brought them to the counter.
When the clerk told him how much he owed, Autry was only able to produce one dollar bill. The clerk told him it was not enough. Autry became frustrated and pulled out a baggie of suspected marijuana out of his pocket, police said. He reached into the bag and put about half of it on the counter.
The clerk told him he would not accept marijuana as payment and told him he was calling the police. At that point, Autry became angry and allegedly smashed one of the bottles on the counter, breaking the bottle and spilling the drink on the floor. He then ran from the store, leaving the merchandise and marijuana behind.

Hey....it makes sense to me. You're hungry....you don't have any money...you try to make a trade. Maybe that's why they call it 'dealing' drugs.....

Let Are Kids Walk. (Or, A Second Generation of Dumbasses.)

By DARLA MILES / WFAA-TV

FORT WORTH — Students who had been planning to walk across the stage at graduation ceremonies this weekend were instead walking a picket line Thursday morning.
The Trimble Tech High School seniors marched in front of Fort Worth Independent School District headquarters to protest Wednesday's decision by trustees to bar students who failed the TAKS test from commencement exercises.
About a dozen young people, carrying signs and chanting, began picketing at 8:30 a.m. Thursday. They represent the 613 Fort Worth seniors who did not pass the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills exam.
Crystal Martinez complained that while she finished at the top of her class with a 3.5 grade point average, she is now blocked from graduation by failing the TAKS test.
"We know we're not going to get our diplomas, but we just want to walk across the stage," Martinez said. "That's all we ask for right now."
Classmate Chloe Walker agreed. "I believe that I have at least the right to walk the stage with all my friends," she said. "I made it this far, and I have all my credits I need. I deserve to get my certificate of completion."
School officials said non-graduating seniors will have a chance to take the TAKS test again in July. If they pass, they can participate in a separate commencement exercise in August.
The Trimble students said they planned to continue their protest through the day, and may be joined by other students.

Just for future reference, kids.....When making a case that you (or your kids) should be allowed to graduate, despite having failed a basic skills test....Make sure you spell all FOUR of the words on the protest signs correctly. Makes a much stronger case.

Just a tip from your ol' Uncle Tiny here.

Saturday....Wait, No, Sunday In The Park. (Or, Something To Do This Summer.)

(Award winning--all of his other work is, why shouldn't this one be?--poster design by Matt Kelley at One Lucky Guitar)
Tell your friends and neighbors. If you're old enough to remember what it was like to have free live music at Freimann Square, you'll enjoy this series...and so will your kids. If you're not old enough, come out and experience a slice of Fort Wayne....resurrected. THIS is the real home of classic rock and roll....and for the four Sundays in June, it will be again. Come out and party with us!
(To see the details more clearly, click on the poster. God, what a drag it is getting old, as the Stones once sang. )