Heaven's A Little Safer Tonight. (Or, Nipped In The Bud.)

Don Knotts, the skinny, lovable nerd who kept generations of television audiences laughing as bumbling Deputy Barney Fife on "The Andy Griffith Show," has died. He was 81.
Knotts died Friday night of pulmonary and respiratory complications at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Beverly Hills, said Paul Ward, a spokesman for the cable network TV Land, which airs "The Andy Griffith Show," and another Knotts hit, "Three's Company."

A good man that never did need that bullet he kept in his pocket to keep us in line....we were too busy laughing to commit any mischief. One of the key comedic elements in what may be the funniest and best show ever seen on television...and one of the few that went out on top. Rest in peace, Mr. Knotts.

NLT -A Recap.

A quiet meeting at the mahogany bar last night.....BBG, the ever nattily dressed M. Chamberlin Newspaper Man, It-Chick, and myself were present at varying times. Pudding was gifted during the second of not one, but two official meetings of the No Love Thursday Mutual Aid and Drinking Society. A motion was made to move the gathering's weekly meeting to the Macedonian Roadhouse....and add a potential guitar pulling to the mix. We'll see about that. Right now I just hope to get good enough to be able to play say, an obscure Billy Dean song; like "Only The Wind"....or even better, Hal Ketchum's "I Know Where Love Lives". Maybe even "Martian Boogie" from Brownsville Station. Guess I need to work on those chords this weekend....

Pleasant conversations abounded....fries and cajun mayo were consumed....and the meeting adjourned at a not unreasonable hour. No sex toys or near riots, sad to say....perhaps next week, when rumor has it the attendees will be back at full strength. Till then.....

An Olympic Moment. (Or, Is Sasha Cohen Giving Us Some Lip?)

Photo from the Associated Press.
Is it just my wishful thinking, or is Sasha's outfit just a little too small?
Vote in Comments section.

It Can Make You Nes-Quiker. (Or, The Value Of Chocolate Milk.)

From RTV6 and TheIndyChannel.com.

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- An Indiana University study says chocolate milk is just as effective, if not more so, than sports drinks for refueling muscles after a workout.
Athletes frequently take in sports drinks, such as Gatorade or Powerade, to help muscles recover and help them train with more intensity at their workouts.
The surprising findings of the IU study show that chocolate milk really "does a body good."
Joel Sager, an IU physiologist and coach, tested his theory on the swim team during the summer of 2004. Sager's team hit the pool twice daily and many ran out of steam during the second workout.
Sager suggested that the swim team drink chocolate milk after the morning practice instead of sports drinks. He said there was a huge difference in swimmers' performance and energy level.
Sager said chocolate milk has the right blend of carbohydrates and protein for refueling muscles after exercise.
"It replaces carbs in the muscle cells. The other thing it's got going for it -- it has a ratio of four to one carbohydrates to protein," Sager said. "When athletes are exercising, they need an increased protein intake."
Sager said flavored milkshakes are a good substitute for chocolate milk for anyone who can't stomach milk.

Help For Those Nights Of Inebri...Ineb.....Drunkenness.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) Constitutionality
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No King Gyros for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

More Irony. (Happy NLT.)

Air Guitarist In Rock And Roll Heaven. (Or, A New Kind Of Death Metal.)

A teenager got so carried away while bouncing up and down on his bed mimicking a rock star that he flew out of a third floor window to his death, a Singapore newspaper reports.
Li Xiao Meng, a 16-year-old from China who was studying at Singapore's Hua Business School, was a keen musician who liked to jump up and down while playing his guitar in his hostel room, The Straits Times said.
"But on November 17 he took things a bit too far," the newspaper said, reporting on a coroner's court findings.
Ruling death by misadventure, the court said evidence "points to the deceased unintentionally falling out of the window to his death when he was hyped up with exhilaration, jumping up and down on the bed placed against an open window while mimicking a rock guitarist".

Add 'air guitar by open window' to 'don't take the brown acid' and 'stay off the light towers' on the Rock and Roll List of Things Not To Do.......

Payback.....It's A Bitch.

ROODHOUSE, Ill. -- Police in the central Illinois town of Roodhouse said a teen became pinned under a tombstone after tipping it over during a vandalism spree at a local cemetery.
Authorities said it took four firefighters to lift a 600-pound gravestone off the 16-year-old boy's leg early Tuesday after he helped knock over that headstone and dozens others.
The boy is recovering from undisclosed injuries at a hospital.
Police Chief Steve Speeks said the boy will be questioned about the alleged vandalism once he's released.

Sing it with me......"Instant Karma's gonna get you......"

Making Life Easier For The Fairer Sex. (Or, Let Me Drive, Honey.)

With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the Mall of America. Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota.

A Good Way To Alienate The Other 40 Percent. (Or, Pissing Off EVERYONE.)

From the Associated Press.

President Bush said Tuesday that the deal allowing an Arab company to take over six major U.S. seaports should go forward and that he would veto any congressional effort to stop it.

"After careful review by our government, I believe the transaction ought to go forward," Bush told reporters who had traveled with him on Air Force One to Washington. "I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British company. I am trying to conduct foreign policy now by saying to the people of the world, `We'll treat you fairly.'"

What an ass. We knew W was a stupid, stubborn man....but now, despite public skepticism, and over the outcry from not only Democrats, but the LEADERS OF HIS OWN PARTY--including Republican Rep. Pete King, chairman of the Homeland Security Committee, he threatens a veto of an ill-advised plan to let the people that regularly foster terrorism to TAKE CONTROL OF DAY TO DAY OPERATIONS of our six primary ports....including the Port of New York and New Jersey. You may remember that particular Port Authority....they developed a former New York landmark known as the World Trade Center.

Seems the only people that want this idea to work are the terrorists...and the asshat in the Oval Office that's too stupid and stubborn to admit an error in judgement. Impeachment, anyone? Or even better.....maybe this is the ammunition that the Democrats will need to blow some of the right wingers out of positions of power.......

****UPDATE:*****
From The Associated Press.
WASHINGTON - President Bush was unaware of the pending sale of shipping operations at six major U.S. seaports to a state-owned business in the United Arab Emirates until the deal already had been approved by his administration, the White House said Wednesday.
Defending the deal anew, the administration also said that it should have briefed Congress sooner about the transaction, which has triggered a major political backlash among both Republicans and Democrats.
Bush on Tuesday brushed aside objections by leaders in the Senate and House that the $6.8 billion sale could raise risks of terrorism at American ports. In a forceful defense of his administration's earlier approval of the deal, he pledged to veto any bill Congress might approve to block the agreement.
Bush faces a rebellion from leaders of his own party, as well as from Democrats, about the deal that would put Dubai Ports in charge of major shipping operations in New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, New Orleans, Miami and Philadelphia.
While Bush has adamantly defended the deal, the White House acknowledged that he did not know about it until recently.
"He became aware of it over the last several days," McClellan said. Asked if Bush did not know about it until it was a done deal, McClellan said, "That's correct."

So now, on top of being obstinate, he was uninformed. Great........

Taking Money and Screwing His Neighbors...Sounds Like He'd Make A GREAT Politician To Me.

A Dallas Democrat seeking election to the Texas House of Representatives has acknowledged that he once worked as a prostitute. Tom Malin, a salesman and actor, said he no longer works as a prostitute but conceded that his previous life could cost him the nomination in the March 7 Democratic primary."I've made mistakes in my life, and I've stood before my creator and I've accepted responsibility for my behavior," Malin told The Dallas Morning News for its editions today."I've also accepted his grace and his redemption and his love and his forgiveness," and that's what is important, he said.Archived versions of Web sites that are now defunct advertise the services of a male escort identified as Todd Sharpe. The phone number listed with Sharpe belongs to Malin, The Morning News reported.

Hey....If we can have a B-movie actor as President, an immigrant bodybuilder governor in a state overrun by illegal aliens, and a wrestler as a governor, why not a former prostitute for the Texas House? At least, unlike most politicians, he knows what it's like to have to DO SOMETHING for the money......

The City Got Starbucked. (Or, $45 Grand... For What?)

This is a cropped picture of the former McMahon Tire building in question. Ironically, this is now all that is left of the building, as well.

From The News-Sentinel.
A Texas company plans to invest more than $1 million to open a Starbucks Coffee shop in the historic but vacant Firestone Tire building at the corner of Fairfield Avenue and Jefferson Boulevard.
The city has offered more than $100,000 to N3 Capital, LLC of Fort Worth to help pay for façade, access and environmental improvements at the site. Vacant since 1999, the building, No. 5 on local historical group ARCH’s most recent list of endangered structures, is in the art deco style with a 47-foot tower overlooking the intersection.
The planned 1,725-square-foot coffeehouse will not have the typical Starbucks facade with green awnings, said Harry Chapman of Marathon Builders in Dallas, the project contractor. Instead, it will preserve the tower and feature vintage grey colors that complement the period architecture, though it will sport modern signage and logos. Portions of the building’s northern sections not considered historically significant will be demolished. Architects expect the design to be finished in January.
“They like their buildings to be different,” Chapman said about the Starbucks, “each one to be not a cookie-cutter type of architecture.”
ARCH Director Angie Quinn said the Firestone Tire building was constructed in the 1920s, with sections added to it in the 1930s. It represents a common design at the time for automotive businesses, though few in the Midwest remain, she added.
“The Firestone building is an opportunity,” Quinn said. “It is good to see somebody recognize that. It will encourage business downtown.”
The city has made available as much as $105,000 in incentives, with $60,000 of that set aside to assess and clean up several hydraulic lifts and two 1,000-gallon waste-storage tanks left behind when McMahon Tire vacated the site in 1999.
City Redevelopment Director Lisa Lange said environmental challenges were partially responsible for the building lying vacant for five years. She knew retaining the historic tower would cost extra, so the city saw an opportunity to help the developer.
“We wanted to demonstrate to them that we were excited about them coming into our community, there was some community interest in saving some of the façade, and that it might propose a unique opportunity,” Lange said. “However, we knew what it might do to their bottom line, and we were interested in trying to fill that gap.”

So let's say that Starbucks (who, last I saw, was far from broke) NEEDED the $105 grand incentive to save the building. And let's accept the fact that without the removal of the tanks and miscellaneous garbage left behind, the property wouldn't be viable. That's 60 grand. That leaves 45 grand for preservation and restoration. EXCEPT......

Part of the building collapsed (albeit the northern part that they were going to demolish already.) They tore down the rest of the building....except the corner office....saving both the tower....and presumably the $45 grand left that the city gave them. This is historic preservation?

Just think....our tax dollars going to prop up the lowly Starbucks chain...while local coffee shops have to deal with pesky things like rent, and remodeling, and fixtures.....I wonder if any of the recently closed Calhoun Street places (Smith and Hines, Julians Pizza, etc.) could have used $45 grand for 'historic preservation?'

Hell, give ME $45 grand. I bet I can get a coffee shop off the ground for that. I'll even put it in a historic building....if I can find one that the city hasn't torn down for a parking lot.