For All You Nature Lovers.

Being an amateur entymologist, I was fascinated by this picture of a dragonfly. In fact, I was so mesmerized I spend most of the afternoon staring at it. I don't think I've ever seen one quite like it. Does anyone know what genus this particular insect belongs in? E-mail me with your findings, or just put them in the Comments box.

Dragonflies just fascinate me....

Endless Summer? No. Take Advantage of What Time Remains.

The summer is winding down...and with it comes an end to the warm-weather time to play. Here are some tips on how to take those personal days that appear in the employee handbook, but you never actually get to use. How to call in sick for the day:

Steps
Find a quiet place for the phone call.
Call your boss.
Don't sound guilty
Keep the excuse short and to the point.
Get off the phone as quickly as possible.

Tips
If you can, call your boss's voice mail or send him an email rather than speaking with him or her directly. This avoids the possibility of questions and awkward advice that often trips up the caller.
When making the phone call, if you can do it early in the morning, when your voice is still rough with sleep, that will give added credibility.
For an added effect, bend over your toilet while pressing your forearm into your stomach so you begin to sound like your stomach is really being affected by whatever you are calling about. (Usually this would make you sound like you just finished vomiting.)
If you're outside the house, calling from your car might be the quietest place you can manage.
It's a good idea to mention in passing how you are feeling better or your car is all fixed when you return to work.
Keep an eye out for other people who have been sick at work and use the 'I must have gotten it from Jim in Accounting.' excuse.

Warnings
It's important that your boss think you are sick in your bed. Blaring music or a loud TV can destroy that image as thoroughly as thousands of screaming fans at a football game.
Long rambling messages are to be avoided. When lying, you are tempted to embellish. Don't. When calling in sick, less is more. The old standbys of food poisoning, flu, cold, all work because we've all been through them.
Calling in sick without being sick is best done for one day (or possibly two days in a row). Longer than that may require a note from your doctor.
Don't come back to work the next day with a suntan, pictures, stories, etc. If you share what you have done with your coworkers, they may turn on you and tell your boss. Worse, they may steal all of your good excuses.
Be careful with car excuses unless you are willing to stay at home, since if someone from work sees you in town then you are busted.
Do not use an excuse about someone in your family dying because the boss can find out for sure and you will be caught in a lie. This will make you less credible to your boss when someone really does die.
Do not use a family member that is still alive. You might have to go to their funeral next week, or find yourself talking about an amazing party that the so called deceased is giving this weekend.
Try not to call in "sick" on too many Mondays or Fridays - extended weekends tend to stick out in the minds of bosses and co-workers. Calling out on the occasional Tuesday is more credible.

Good luck, and I'll see you on the sandbar at Lake James!!

A Thought For The Day.

A woman is standing in line at the pearly gates talking to St. Peter when she hears an awful scream.

"What was that!?" she asks.

"Oh don’t worry," St. Peter replies, "That was the person before you getting the holes drilled in their back for their wings."

"Ouch," she blurts.

Again she hears another ear-shattering scream. "Now what was that?" she inquires.

St. Peter responds, "The same person was getting holes drilled in their head for a halo."

Terrified the woman looks St. Peter in the eyes and says, "I think I’d rather go to hell."

He responds, "No, no you don’t want to do that, you’ll be raped and sodomized there!"

The woman pauses and replies, "Well, at least I already have the holes for that!"

Wal-Mart: Giving Back To The Community.

While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Billy Bob won first place....a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti. Bubba won sixth prize--a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great! I love spaghetti!"

Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you? How's the toilet brush?" "Not so good," replied Bubba. "I reckon I'm gonna switch back to paper."

A Thought For The Day.

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.

--Albert Einstein, explaining how radio works.

Hmmm....and all this time, I thought those horrendous sounds coming out of my speakers were just untalented musicians and underdeveloped broadcasters making a mockery out of an industry I love. Instead, it seems that Theory of a Deadman and their ilk are part of Einstein's Theory of Feline Comunication. It's SUPPOSED to sound like a cat wailing!

All those years of learning about amplitude modulation and frequency modulation, auditorium testing, call-out research, clocks, imaging, promotion.....and all I had to do is torture the neighbor's pet to have a hit record, or be successful on the radio! Damn.....

At least I THINK that's what he meant....

A Thought For The Day. (Or, Maybe Three Thoughts. Or, At Least The Second Thought Of The Day. Or, Maybe It's The Thought Of The Day Squared.)

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

--Navin R. Johnson

Yes, I know we've ALREADY had a thought for the day, but I trust, Gentle Reader, that you can handle this cornucopia of culture and knowledge.

Or maybe we're going to totally mess up the borders of space and time....like Kirk and Spock did when they tried to bring the dolphins--or were they whales--back from our time to the futureaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......

Whew. Better now. Thanks.

A Thought For The Day. (Or, No Matter What, You're Smarter Than HER.)

Ok.....Who parked the short bus outside the television studio?

I mean come on....

Who the hell was in charge of contestant screening THIS day?

And wouldn't it be the shit if this was the big money question?

A Joke For The Day.

Bus stops and two men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following; "Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once mo'."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Yo, cool down lady," said the man. "Im just tellun my friend how to spell Mississippi."

A Thought For The Day. (Or, I DO Know The Difference.)

Shinola.






Not Shinola.

Misunderstood Lyrics.

This was a thread on www.fortwaynemusic.com recently, but it was also the subject of a calendar abought a couple years back to use on the air. The calendar, however, didn't have enough classic rock mistakes to be a useful bit. It is fun reading, however....as is the website www.kissthisguy.com ......

Hendrix - Scuse me while i kiss this guy.
Actual - Scuse me while I kiss the sky.

Stones - 'I think I see your pizza burning'
Actual - 'I want to be your beast of burden'

CCR - 'Bathroom on the right'
Actual - 'Bad moon on the rise'

And a bit of trivia....John Fogerty actually sings "There's a bathroom on the right" in his live shows now....as a joke.

Any others??

Best Wishes To The Bride And Groom.

Got to play music for my good friend RJ's daughter's wedding Saturday. Very cool event, with a very cool family. The only negative thing I can say about the event is that RJ having a daughter old enough to get married means that I can't pass myself off as 26 anymore (not that I was very successful at that before--hell, I wasn't successful at that when i WAS 26.) A wonderful party, with some really good people...I was proud to share in the day in my own small way.

A cool site, if you'd like to see more of the event-- www.tonyandkari.com. Everything's on the web nowdays.

Thanks to the Ruses for asking me to help.