A Thought For The Day. (Or, For All You Animal Lovers, Don't Try This At Home.)

A man walks into a convenience store and buys a dozen condoms, then leaves.

3 weeks later, he comes back and buys another dozen condoms, then leaves.

3 weeks after that, he buys another dozen condoms.

While checking out the man behind the counter asks,"What is your secret. How do you get that many girls in so little time?"

The man says, "Girls? No man, i'm 65 years old. I couldn't get a girl if i tried. I feed the condoms to my poodles and they shit in baggies.

Timely Advice From Our Fashion Editor. (Or, How To Make Daisy Dukes.)

Bad Daisy Dukes

Good Daisy Dukes

With the release of the "Dukes Of Hazzard" movie, as well as the complete third season of the TV show on DVD (don't ask how I know, I just do) it seems appropriate, in the interest of furthering the trend of long legs and short shorts, to present these Daisy Dukes tips....part of our continuing informational series designed to make our community a better place to live.


"What's key is that they walk that fine line where 'casually disinterested' meets 'calculated,'" says "Dukes of Hazzard" costume designer Genevieve Tyrrell. Her Southern-fried short-short rules are below.
STYLE
Do: choose an already distressed denim. Tyrrell used Lucky Brand for "Dukes."
Don't: go too dark because it won't look natural.
Do: pick a fit that "sits" low on your hips.

CUT
Do: use safety pins, chalk or soap to mark the cutting line.
Do: arc up over the thigh and contour under the derriere.
Do: leave them a bit longer in the back to maximize the front leg view.
Don't: show cheek.
Do: allow 3/4-inch for fraying.
Don't: cut too short. You don't want to end up with the Rockette version.

FRAY
Do: wash and tumble-dry.
Don't: try and create fray with sandpaper. It looks contrived.

BELT
Do: pick a great leather belt - a cool Western one with tooling or your initials in an Old West font between the belt loops in the back.
Do: choose a vintage-looking buckle or something fun like a giant horseshoe.

FINISHING TOUCHES
Do: pair your Daisy Dukes with a flirty top.
Do: wear a pair of new or vintage cowboy boots or sexy wedges, heels or flip-flops.


Ladies, go out and find your inner Daisy!

A Thought For The Day. (Or, Wait Till I'm Mayor.)

From a comment on Fort Wayne Media Notes:
As Stacey Stumpf pointed out in her editorial Sunday, the time has come for private investment. Think of other great downtowns, and philanthropic private funds have been a significant factor. But has any foundation put money into a new project since the Lincoln Museum? We need people to get behind the Sports Corporation's idea for the recreation/competition water facility, which would bring a lot of folks downtown. I think that this type of facility would provide an impetus to for-profit developers since there would be more potential customers downtown for their businesses.

and my response...there AND here....BULLSHIT!

Just what we need to 'bring people downtown'...a pool. Put it with the parks, the parking lots and the vacant buildings, and you've added a lot to the vibrant downtown scene. What a joke.

What we need downtown is affordable housing for adults...a grocery store so you don't have to drive to the suburbs to live downtown...and for the City of Fort Wayne to leave the few remaining businesses the hell alone. Belmont Beverage... blighted? No, but the four lots surrounding it are. Build there. Cindy's Diner, blighted? No. But the Light and Breuning parking lot behind the old WOWO studios (and next to the firefighters museum, the library, and the Grand Wayne Center) IS blighted...put the hotel there. No parking? Build a garage NEXT to Cindy's...and make em walk the half block.

Neither the city or private development can make downtown viable without PEOPLE. And there's no reason for anyone to be downtown currently. Plans that concentrate on tourism, while interesting, won't solve the problem. All the businesses displaced for the Botanical Conservatory, the Grand Wayne Center, Headwaters Park, Courthouse Green....where did they go? OUT OF DOWNTOWN....and they took not only their employees, but their customers with them.

Fix what's broke, before you start displacing MORE of the few remaining people downtown to cater to the out of towner, or the once-a-year tourist. Get FORT WAYNE people downtown...then the private sector will be more than happy to cater to the tourists as extra business. Till then, you're just spitting in the wind (and lining 'consultants' pockets.)

To which I might add two things....

One: I understand the economic impact that tourism provides to our economy. I'm all for people visiting. But making them STAY should be the focus of downtown planning. Building a 'replica' canal? Sure! Great idea! Then you can push what's left of the 'replica' Old Fort into it, and pave it over for another Light and Breuning parking lot. Whose head was up their ass when they thought of that brilliant idea?

Two: Hey Mayor Richard...STOP trying to make Southtown viable. That's even stupider than the current downtown plans. Give anyone the land that wants to build there...and let em compete the old fashioned way. Walmart's fine...if they pull out, maybe even a new Super Target...or a Marsh store. But the police and fire academy? Isn't there SOME brownfield SOMEWHERE in town that would be better suited for that? Unless it's because the city secretly thinks we NEED an enhanced police presence in the area....in which case, market conditions would preclude other investment in the site. So which one is it? Totally safe, and ready for a rebirth? Or so unstable that we need to relocate officers onsite?

A Thought For The Day.

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.

--Abraham Lincoln

Sounds like the Golden Rule put to use to me....and Lord knows, there are worse role models for life than the man from Springfield....but more importantly:

What a novel concept....a religion that needs no gathering to validate it; a spiritual path that one LIVES, instead of merely reading about it...and one that NEVER asks for money.

If only ALL religion had those qualities...

Burying The Lead. (Or, A Broadcast News Primer.)

Was just over at Delmar Video last night (in the front half of the room, not the back) and stumbled on one of my all-time favorites. The movie Broadcast News is a brilliant love story/social commentary/quasidocumentary on the broadcast industry and the people in it. Written and directed by James L. Brooks (who brought us Cheers and Taxi, among others) about working in television news, not radio, it is still full of people I've met in real life in my line of work. The characters are so richly drawn, they seem like caricatures--unless you've worked in or around the business...then they just feel like people you know.

The movie's also full of funny and/or poignant quotes: again, most of which remind me of people and events in my own life. Here are some of them, for those who are caught up in the madness...or those that would like a peek into the mirror....

[Playback on monitor]
Reluctant Interviewee: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Can you use that?
Aaron Altman (the wry and engaging Albert Brooks): Depends on how slow a news day it is.
[Reacting to the playback]
Jane Craig (the very Southern and delightful Holly Hunter): I can't believe you said that!
Aaron: I'm very proud of that.


Blair Litton (the oddly beautiful and very talented Joan Cusack): Oh, you think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass-kisser.
Aaron: No, I think anyone who puckers up their lips and presses it against their bosses buttocks and then *smooches* is an ass-kisser.
Blair: My gosh... and for a while there I was attracted to you.
Aaron: Well, wait a minute, that changes everything!


Aaron: And in the middle of all this, I started to think about the one thing that makes me feel really good and makes immediate sense... and it's you.
Jane: Oh, Bubba.
Aaron: I'm going to stop right now. Except that I would give anything if you were two people, so that I could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one that I like *so much*!


Aaron: And if things had gone differently for me tonight then I probably wouldn't be saying any of this. I grant you everything. But give me this: he personifies everything that you've been fighting against. And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? I buried the lead.


Jane: Bastard! Sneak! Quitter!
Aaron: [cheerfully] Speaking!

And my personal favorite....

Aaron: If anything happens to me, you tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me.


Ok, time to quit for now. Maybe, as Aaron also said in the movie,
"I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time."
Till then.....