Ladies...Erin Go Braghless. (Or, Maybe I'll Be At O's Late...Until Then.....).

For One Day Only....
The World's Largest Leprechaun.

Nuff Said.

Have a Happy St. Pat's...

and be safe.

Damn That NAFTA Thing Anyway. (Or, Your Joke Of The Day.)

A Kendallville couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor asked them why, after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

True?
Maybe.......

Just In Time For St. Patrick's Day. (Or, Have A Good Time At O's.)

I won't be attending my usual St. Patrick's pilgrimage to the rugby bar...got work commitments from dawn till midnight. But in the spirit, here are some Irish observations.....

Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
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-Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
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An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
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Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can understand them.
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!"shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
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Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
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Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor.
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Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.
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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!"He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
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"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
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My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

Health Care With A Personal Touch.

BERLIN, March 14 (UPI) -- About 30 German prostitutes are giving up working on beds to working with bedpans in a 2-year program to retrain as auxiliary geriatric nurses.
The program in the western state of North Rhine Westphalia is being funded by the Lutheran Church and the European Union, The Telegraph reported from Berlin.
The scheme is seen as a good bridge between getting the women out of a dangerous trade and also helping plug a shortfall in geriatric care.
Rita Kuhn, of the church's welfare program, said most of the women, who range in age from their 20s to 40s are finding the transition smooth.
"They are in general very good at dealing with people, in addition to which they don't get squeamish and have absolutely no fear about touching or being touched," she said.

Hope this catches on...It would make getting old almost worth looking forward to.....

It's All In The Timing. (Or, I Can't Make This Stuff Up.)

PORTLAND, Maine -- A Portland man is under medical observation after ingesting several dozen bags of heroin.
Portland police said they were preparing to release Nicholas Foley, 27, after a dispute with another man over money. But while he was being booked at the jail, police said he fell ill and threw up 31 bags of heroin.
Upon further investigation, police found another nine bags of heroin hidden in Foley's cigarette pack.
The episode unfolded Sunday after another man accused Foley of taking his money. Foley is at the Maine Medical Center.

Yep...They were ready to release him when he tossed his cookies...and the smack. Talk about bad timing.......

His Friends Call Him Big Dick.(Or, You Don't See That Everyday.)

The Friends of the Bob & Tom Show are appearing at the Embassy Theatre next Friday night. A group of funny comedians....Frank Caliendo, Greg Warren, Mike Armstrong, Roy Wood Jr. and Donnie Baker (a B&T regular voice.) Here are some screen shots of the Embassy marquee advertising the show.








If you know me, you know that I don't know enough about computers to be able to Photoshop (although as always, I'd like to learn.) I swear that as of yesterday afternoon, this was still on the marquee. Don't know if it was someone's sense of humor at the Embassy (unlikely, but possible) or merely the work of an aged volunteer that didn't get the joke (much more likely.) But I almost pissed myself when I saw it...in fact, I almost veered off the road and into the Grand Wayne Center. I'm looking forward to seeing the Fort Wayne stage debut...

Paging.....

RICHARD SMOKER! (click on photo to enlarge)

The Whammy Finally Got Him. (Or, RIP Peter.)

SANTA MONICA, California (AP) -- A former TV game show host and his wife were killed Monday morning when their small plane crashed into Santa Monica Bay, authorities said. Rescue crews were searching for a third person also aboard the plane.
The bodies of Peter Tomarken, 63, host of the hit 1980s game show "Press Your Luck," and his wife, Kathleen Abigail Tomarken, 41, were identified by the Los Angeles County coroner's office.
The plane was on its way to San Diego to ferry a medical patient to the UCLA Medical Center, said Doug Griffith, a spokesman for Angel Flight West, a nonprofit which provides free air transportation for needy patients.
Griffith said the pilot was a volunteer for the group. According to the FAA, the plane was registered to Tomarken and he was the pilot.

A cult TV classic....and a good guy, by all accounts. Sad.

Quality On Tap. (Or, A Cover Charge For Your Apartment.)

OSLO (Reuters) - A woman thought she was in heaven when beer instead of water flowed from the taps in her apartment in west Norway.
"I turned on the tap to clean some knives and forks and beer came out," Haldis Gundersen told Reuters from her home in Kristiansund, west Norway. "We thought we were in heaven."
Beer in Norway is among the most expensive in the world with a 0.4 liter (0.7 pint) costing about 50 crowns ($7.48) in a bar.
Gundersen said she tried the beer but that it tasted a bit odd and was not fizzy.
It turned out that a worker in a bar two floors below had mixed up the pipes on Saturday evening, wrongly connecting a new barrel to a water pipe leading to Gundersen's flat. The bar got water in its beer taps.
"If it happens again I'm going to order Baileys (coffee liqueur)," she said.

The amazing thing is that no one at the bar noticed that the taps contained water....Maybe they were Bud Light taps.
It reminds me of the old joke....What do Bud Light and sex in a canoe have in common?

They're both fucking close to water......

Darwin Gets Foiled. (Or, Put The Damn Gun Somewhere Else.)

ST. PAUL, Minn. - A 3-year-old boy shot his mother in the knee with a 9mm handgun he had found under a couch cushion over the weekend, police said.
It was the second time the boy had handled the gun on Sunday. The mother had taken the gun away from the child and removed the bullets - apparently overlooking one in the chamber - and put the weapon back on the couch.
When the boy picked the gun up a second time, it fired. "It appears to be accidental," said St. Paul police spokesman Pete Crum.
The woman was taken to Regions Hospital, with non-life-threatening injuries. "It could have been much more tragic had the child shot himself or hit the woman in a more vital area," Crum said.
The boy was put in the care of his father.
Authorities removed several guns from the home. Crum said they were all legal.
Police said they would forward the case to the Ramsey County Attorney's office for possible child-endangerment charges.
"There are two lessons to learn: Don't let your children play with guns. Always treat a gun as though it's loaded," Crum said.

So let me get this straight. She hid the gun IN THE COUCH. Stupid...check. Then after the kid found the LOADED GUN, she put it BACK in the couch. It's a damn shame that the bullet didn't hit the mother and kill her. That would have made for a better story...and some sort of poetic justice.

And where is the father? Not around? He needs to be tested for an IQ before the kid goes there, from the sounds of things. Darwin loses this round. They all survived.

Stupid people.