Party Update!!!!!.

Guess what we're having to eat at the party......

ROAST BEAST!!!!

A Holiday Dilemma. (Or, Who To Take To The Company Christmas Party.)

Well, tonight's the company Christmas (Kwanzaa, Hanukah, Winter Solstice, Couple of Days Off to Buy Beer For New Year's) party. And what to do? No date. Got my costume taken care of (yes, it's a Christmas costume party....we tend to get our holidays mixed up where I work. Kinda easy to do when you have to work on all of them.) But who will i take? What lucky girl will be my date to this, the ultimate throwdown? Put a personal ad on Fark.com. Told the women of America all about what a great guy I am. Check out (picture above) the response I got. Who says personals don't work?

AAAAhhhh....The power of the internet.

BTW: Today is Bob's Birthday. Celebrate in the manner recommended. (If you're a fan of the show, you know what I mean.) Hopefully, I'll get to join you in the revelry.

Must See TV. (Or, I Can Tell You What Christmas Is All About, Charlie Brown.)

Just a heads up....Happy 40th Anniversary to the greatest holiday show EVER.

(I just wonder whatever happened to "Christmas Is?")

A Charlie Brown Christmas, directed by animator Bill Melendez, airs 8 p.m. Tuesday, Dec. 6, on ABC. It's paired with Charlie Brown Christmas Tales, based on Charles M. Schulz's work and featuring each of the Peanuts characters, including Snoopy, in individual vignettes.

Among the other old favorites and newcomers marking the holiday season (all times ET, check local listings for PBS programs):

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Animation
•The Happy Elf, 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 2, NBC. Harry Connick lends his voice and original songs to the story of Eubie the elf, who must rescue the unhappy town of Bluesville. The voices of Carol Kane, Lewis Black, Mickey Rooney and Rob Paulsen also are featured.
•Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 2, ABC. Fred Astaire was the narrator for this 1970 tale about how Kris Kringle (Mickey Rooney) overcomes a ban on toys in his native Sombertown and ends up becoming Santa Claus, the world's biggest toy distributor.
•I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown! 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 9, ABC. Rerun, younger brother of Linus and Lucy, gets more than he bargained for when Snoopy the beagle invites his brother, Spike, for a visit.
•Rugrats Chanukah Special, 2 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 17, Nickelodeon. Grandpa Boris and his old rival, Shlomo, perform in a play about the holiday's meaning and, with the help of the babies, find a way to reconcile.
•Frosty the Snowman, 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 17, CBS. Jimmy Durante narrated the tale of the brave snowman pursued by evil Professor Hinkle on a mission to rescue the North Pole. Followed at 8:30 p.m. by Frosty Returns, narrated by Jonathan Winters.
•A Rugrats Kwanzaa, 8:30 p.m. Monday, Dec. 26, Nickelodeon. When Aunt T. arrives to celebrate the Kwanzaa holiday with the Carmichaels, little Susie learns what it means to honor "the legacy of our great people," and what greatness comes from.
•Arthur's Perfect Christmas, 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, PBS. Elwood City is abuzz with plans for the perfect holiday, whether Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, but everything doesn't go as planned for Arthur, D.W. and their family and friends.
•Chanukah Stories, airing on PBS stations in December (check local listings). Two children's books, The Tie Man's Miracle and Moishe's Miracle, were adapted for this special, featuring Jami Gertz and Bob Saget.

Movies
•Holiday Inn, 8 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 4, AMC. Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire star as two showmen whose New England country inn, open only on national holidays, becomes a success. The classic tune White Christmas was introduced in the 1942 film.
•Recipe for a Perfect Christmas, 9 p.m., Monday, Dec. 5, Lifetime Television. Bobby Cannavale, Christine Baranski and Carly Pope star in a romantic comedy about a fledgling food critic whose scheme involving her mom and a restaurant owner doesn't go according to plan.
•It's a Wonderful Life, 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 10, and 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, NBC. Frank Capra's classic 1946 fantasy about troubled George Bailey (James Stewart) and his enlightening angel,Clarence (Henry Travers).
•Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 8:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 10, ABC. Jim Carrey stars as the unpopular Grinch in the film based on the Dr. Seuss book. Christine Baranski and Jeffrey Tambor co-star.
•The Santa Clause, 8 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 15, ABC. Tim Allen stars as a man who becomes the unwilling successor to Santa Claus and has to quickly learn the ropes. Wendy Crewson, David Krumholtz and Peter Boyle co-star.
•National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, 8 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 18, NBC. Life on the road isn't easy for Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) and family, but at least his Christmas bonus is coming. Beverly D'Angelo co-stars.
•Christmas Lights, 9 p.m. Friday, Dec. 23, BBC America. Two lifelong friends — and rivals — become locked in a holiday house decoration contest that gets out of control and ultimately forces them to reflect on what really counts. Robson Green and Mark Benton star.
•I'll Be Home for Christmas, 9 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, ABC. College student Jake (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) is on a homeward holiday trek, determined to win back his girlfriend and get a '57 Porsche, to boot.
•Finding John Christmas, 9 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 25, CBS. Valerie Bertinelli, Peter Falk, David Cubitt and William Russ star in the tale of a woman whose search for her long-missing brother brings her together with a newspaper photographer and a helpful angel.

Stocking stuffers
•Entertainment Weekly's Best Holiday Movies, 10:15 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 4, AMC. Actor French Stewart hosts this rundown of yuletide movie favorites.
•Creative Juice for the Holidays, 10 p.m. Monday, Dec. 5, DIY Network. Hosts Cathie Filian and Steve Piacenza demonstrate affordable holiday craft projects, including turning foam snowballs into snowmen and tomato wire cages into Christmas trees.
•The White House Christmas 2005, 8 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 7, HGTV. The special, with host Gail O'Neill, takes viewers into the holiday planning process for the White House and includes first lady Laura Bush's discussion of her choice for this year's theme.
•Christmas in Washington, 8 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 14, TNT. Rascal Flatts, Carrie Underwood and Ciara will perform at the annual event attended by the president, first lady and other prominent Washingtonians. Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil ) and his wife, Robin, are the hosts.
•L.A. Holiday Celebration, 10 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 15, PBS. A multicultural program of music and dance with performers of African, Asian, European, Middle Eastern and Hispanic backgrounds marking the season. Elayne Boosler hosts.
•Soul Train Christmas Special, 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 17. Wayne Brady, Eric Benet and Tiffany Evans host a slate of R&B stars performing holiday hits.
•A Home for the Holidays, 8 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 21, CBS. George Lopez and Jamie Lee Curtis are among those featured in this annual effort to spotlight the issue of adoption. Performers include Sheryl Crow, Mary J. Blige and the Goo Goo Dolls.
•Renee Fleming: Sacred Songs and Carols, 8 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 21, PBS. In this Great Performances program recorded at Germany's Mainz Cathedral, the opera singer is backed by an orchestra and full choir.
•Christmas with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, 9 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 21, and 9 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, PBS. Audra McDonald and Peter Graves take part in a concert that includes African-American spirituals and contemporary favorites.
•A St. Olaf Christmas in Norway, 10 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 21, PBS. The choir of St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minn., joins with a Norwegian girls' choir and mezzo Randi Stene in a program taped at Tronheim's Nidaros Cathedral.
•Christmas at Belmont, 9 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 22, and Sunday, Dec. 25, PBS (check local listings). Country singer Josh Turner, a Belmont University alumnus, is set to perform at the school's annual concert Hall, as are students, faculty and the Nashville Children's Choir.
•Creature Comforts — Merry Christmas Everybody, 10:30 p.m. Friday, Dec. 23, BBC America. In short films from the makers of Wallace & Gromit, answers from Brits to pressing questions (how do hamsters handle indigestion?) come out of the mouths of animal characters.
•Walt Disney World Christmas Day Parade, 10 a.m. Sunday, Dec. 25, ABC. Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa host the 22nd annual telecast of the resort's parade, with guests including Vanessa Williams, Julie Andrews, Tiger Woods, Fantasia and Hayden Christensen.
•Live from Lincoln Center, 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 31, PBS. The New York Philharmonic presents its annual New Year's Eve gala, featuring a program of Italian opera with soprano Angela Gheorghiu.
•Tournament of Roses Parade, 11 a.m. Monday, Jan. 2, NBC. The 117th edition of the Pasadena parade includes performances by LeAnn Rimes, Toni Braxton and magician Lance Burton, along with the flower-bedecked floats, parade royalty and many horses.

AULD LANG SYNE:
•New Year's Eve with Carson Daly, 11:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 31, NBC. Daly rings in 2006 from New York City's Times Square.
•Dick Clark's Primetime New Year's Rockin' Eve 2006, 10 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 31, ABC. Ryan Seacrest joins Clark in hosting the celebration in Times Square.
•New Year's Eve Live, 11 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 31, Fox. Regis Philbin is the host for these Times Square festivities, including music, celebrities and a look back at the events of 2005.

Okay, some of this crap is typical commercial fodder. C'mon. Wayne Brady on Soul Train?? Dr. Phil?? Carson Daly?? RYAN FRICKIN" SEACREST????

But everyone (even the Scroogiest SOB) needs a good dose of Charlie Brown, the Heatmiser, and Frosty yelling "Happy Birthday".....helps get through the madness that the holidays can sometimes bring. So, compliments of the Associated Press, here is your appointment TV for the season. God bless Charles Schulz, and Rankin-Bass.....Enjoy!!

My Christmas Wish List. (World Peace Excluded.)

You know what I want for Christmas?

I want a good paying job near Knoxville.
I want plane tickets TO Knoxville. Several tickets...for several visits.
I want to win the lottery so I can move to.....
Gatlinburg. Or maybe Asheville.

I know that it's pretty up there. We can go hiking on Tuesday. With you I'd walk anywhere.

Anyway....continuing....

What would I really like that is within almost everyone's budget?

Two things...both communications related.

A working 1940's era typewriter....boxy and solid as a brick. Got rid of my old one during one of my many moves while married (and getting divorced.) Along with my boat and my kids, I miss it all the time. I can still hear the keys striking the paper...and the sound the carriage made as you threw it back to begin a new line. Much more satisfying than this. In fact, I still pound the keyboard with the same hammer strokes that I used to use on my old LC Smith manual.

And a gross of good yellow pencils. That's right...a gross. A gross of anything is somehow strangely comforting. And pencils are fun...and useful. I want pencils.
Not one pencil...or ten pencils...a freaking box of pencils. 144 fresh, new, pencils.

Bonus points for the oversized red or black ones that we used in first and second grade. I think Eberhard-Faber made them. Easier for old, oversized hands to use.

Is that too much to ask?

How To Amuse Yourself While The Wife Is Shopping. (A Primer For Men's Mental Health.)

14 things a man can do at the supermarket while his wife/gf/partner/female friend/mother is taking her time:
01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.
04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.
05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.
06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"

And last but not least:14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

How I Spend My Free Time. (Or, The Guitar Lessons Are Going Well.)

Update: Now you don't need to spend money on expensive musical equipment that you'll never learn how to play:


http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn8383&feedId=online-news_rss20

Giving Thanks For Nature's Tremendous Bounty. (Or, It Was A Happy Thanksgiving.)

Worked most of the weekend....but still found time to have dinner Thursday with family and friends, and contemplate all that we have been given. I'm not a turkey fan, but this year decided to try a little, so as not to offend the hostess....